Dating trust your gut

Not everything that feels good or comfortingly familiar is good for you.

And, conversely, not everything that feels bad or unfamiliar is bad for you.

But at other times it could mean that you are uncomfortable with being seen positively and treated with kindness. When your heart and head are in disagreement, you need to use both to guide your way.

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How many times have you been out with a foxy new someone only to have him do or say something that made your stomach lurch—and not in an I-wanna-make-babies-with-him-now way. Perhaps it was more subtle—he snickered when you tripped or didn’t introduce you to the attractive “friend” you ran into.

Then again, maybe there was nothing you could articulate, but he just felt off. I was in the midst of a very long dry spell when my buddy Don offered to fix me up with his friend Robbie.

By Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph D When you go on a first date – or first meet someone new – you may have an immediate reaction to the person. Yes, you can trust that your reaction is telling you something about the other person, or at least your perception of them.

You may feel like you “know” a relationship with that person will, or will not, work out. You don’t react to all people the same way, so your gut reaction is saying something about to mean.

As you reflect upon your emotions, you will gain insights into what they really mean.

For instance, feeling anxious can mean you sense dishonesty and feel emotionally unsafe; or it can mean that you feel hopeful about having met someone wonderful and fear the unknown course the relationship will take.In this case, you might need to ask yourself if the lack of connection is really about being too different, or more about you being defensive.Maybe your last relationship was bad and you are afraid to open up again.Feeling excited might reflect your sense that you may have met “the one”; or it may mean this new relationship is tapping into your insecurities, heightening your emotions by carrying you on a wild “loves me, loves me not” ride.When a date falls flat, leaving you bored or disinterested, it could simply mean you have nothing in common.For example, if you’re used to controlling people in your life, this may make you inclined to choose a partner who is overly controlling.

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